Hell of Countries

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, “What do they do here?”
He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?”
He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

“But that is exactly the same as all the other hells – why are there so many people waiting to get in?”
“Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen…”

The Thumb Writer – Don’t give up

Today I heard about a lady named Susan Spencer-Wendel — who was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2009,  wrote the 89,000-word book on her iPhone using the only part of her body that she can move: her right thumb.

This lady is dying of a neurological disease and she can’t move any part of her body but her thumb. Yet she has the strength to keep fighting and the attitude to not give up.

None of us have problem as big as hers, and I hope and pray that we don’t have to face a problem of that sort, but still we cry and complain about how life, family, friends, government, police, weather, people, politics, company and boss have been cruel and unfair to us.

She and her efforts must serve as an example for people who are frustrated with life and have given up or are about to give up.

Small Happiness

Today most of us wish to have latest cell phone, laptop, desktop, TV, Players, we all dream to buy the big houses in the heart of the city. For this we work very hard and slog hours and hours in the hope that one day we will achieve our dream and be happy, satisfied and content.

Many travel from one end of the city to another and even from one city to another every day to earn a little more than what they would get in their city.

Every day we work for 10 – 12 hours and travel 2 – 3 hours for work. In the process we don’t have any social life or family life, we don’t get to meet our friends or attend any functions.

All this in the hope that one day the money that we save will give us some happiness.

We feel like eating that delicious burger, pizza or ice cream that we just saw in the ads or in one of the malls we visited but stop ourselves because with the money we save one day we will eat a better one.

We all live the hope that one day our life will change. One day we will be happy and we will enjoy our life but life is about enjoying those small moments every day. 

Hiccups – Today I was remembered

Being an Indian there is one thing for sure that you have lot of traditions and beliefs to follow.

Today I won’t talk about all the belifs but there’s one belief in particular that has really baffled me and that is, “when some get’s a hiccup it is said that he/she is remembered by someone.” I hope I haven’t confused anyone.

Yes it is one of the beliefs so why should I write about it and waste your time?

Well today I remembered my old school mate and thought if was getting any hiccups?
As a human being we like to socialize, seek attention and get importance.

Think about it for a while:

Why do people Tweet, Post on FB, Blog and then check their wall/status/blog?
What do they want?
Why do they want people to reply?
What happens when no one replies, comments or like what you have written?

They answer is pretty simple, we all want people to admire us or rather remember us.

Back in those days when there was no Tweeter of Facebook, Hiccup was the only way you could feel happy about getting remembered. May be the more hiccup the more likes or pokes?

So today when you get an hiccup forget what science, doctors, research or google has to say. Just feel happy that someone somewhere missed you.

Rant – Mancherster United vs Real Madrid

Today most of the sports websites, blogs and news channels are talking about the controversy between Manchester United and Real Madrid Champions League match. The match was marred by the weird decision from the ref to send Nani off. I thought I too must post my comments and not miss the change to vent my frustration on  yet another person.

I for one am frustrated with people calling Nani’s challenge a tackle. They say Nani was off because it was dangerous play and a dangerous tackle. Dangerous play – my ass.

Let me tell you what a “dangerous play” mean – Dangerous play is the act of risking injury to an opponent with a reckless or clumsy challenge. The referee will award a free-kick to the opposition, and may give a yellow or red card to the perpetrator.

To all those ABU “EXPERTS” who say that challenge can be regarded as ‘dangerous play’, it was NOT a Challenge or a foul for that matter.

Nani was looking over his shoulder and was trying to control the ball. It was Ramos that came running in on Nani and in the process collided with Nani.

Nani was trying to control, so that means he needed a soft toe or touch. So in what sense was that a Challenge?

Roy Keane today gave his not much needed opinion and said that it should have been a red card.

Mr. Roy Keane, don’t be too vocal with you Anti United views.

 You may regret it as you are one of the most respectable figures at Old Trafford. A suggestion for you is please enjoy the respect and status that you get from United fans.

 

This job sucks

Since today I have decided that along with some fun and humor, I am also going to write or rant about how: my job sucks, my work sucks, my company sucks, my colleagues. How my colleagues are ass lickers. .

 

In short give my tippani (hindi word for opinion) about things that happen.

 

I guess that is the reason we blog, don’t we? 😉

 

So today I am going to rant, sorry write about how my boss and my company.

It’s been two months now since I have joined this Organization. It is one of the top players in the retail industry. It is a dream job for some people and for me too. But I guess some dreams are good while we are sleeping.

So what really happened? Today was supposed to be my mock Induction day. I was going to get judged by my boss’ boss.

 I was very tense as this Induction was going to decide my fate as a trainer in this company.

My colleague, who joined with me, finished her Induction and informed me that I have been called for my turn.

When you are tense and nervous then the AC really doesn’t help your bladder. I went to the washroom to relieve some stress and get ready for my turn.

While I was about to open the washroom door, the door opened from outside and someone collided with me. I moved my head up to see. It was my boss’ boss. I wasted no time in greeting him.

I was so glad that I greeted the boss and now he will have good image/impression about me.

I started my training giving my best and trying to impress everyone. (I have been training for eight years so don’t feel the need to impress anyone).

After the training was over, it was time for feedback. I was termed as a person with casual attitude by The Boss.

Reason, I said Hello and didn’t use any Suffix, prefix or any ass licking fix every invented (remember I greeted in the wash room?).

So it has made me realize that more than the aptitude, this company needs asslicktitude (whatever that means)

Pappu – Fun Read

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water? 
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO! “!! 
TEACHER : What are you talking about? 
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O ! 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America . 
PAPPU : Here it is! 
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ? 
CLASS : PAPPU! 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell “crocodile”? 
PAPPU : “K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L” 
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong 
PAPPU : Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with “I”. 
PAPPU : I is… 
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, “I am.” 
PAPPU : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.” 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : “Can anybody give an example of “COINCIDENCE? ” 
PAPPU : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.” 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, 
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish
him?” 
PAPPU : “Because George still had the axe in his hand?” 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt ? 
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that? 
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then? 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots ! 
PAPPU: Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home.

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ? 
PAPPU: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook. 
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his ? 
PAPPU: No, teacher, it’s the same dog ! 
-*-*-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*- 
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 
PAPPU: A teacher 
 

Don’t Mess With The Grandma. Funny.

—  Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t
prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-townprosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grand motherly,elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’

She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I’ve known yo
usince you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs.  You thinkyou’re a big
shot when you haven ‘t the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned!  Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know
him.’

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me,
I’ll send you to the electric chair!!!’.

Dilema. My decision and a chocolate

It’s been one month now since I have started working with this company in the UAE. Did I say “working”?

“Slavering”, whatever it is called or if there is such a word, would actually be the right word here.

 For the past one month I have been warned about how I can be terminated if I: don’t take my break between 1 and 1:30, not wear a tie, not greet the superiors (by greet they mean Good Morning), say Hi to the superiors, remove shoes in my cabin, see my phone while working, get up from my seat too often, smile, not smile, walk confidently, walk nervously etc.

I realized I had enough and decided to leave. I got in touch with all the companies that needed my services before I signed this death warrant.

Yesterday I decided to leave this company. So, signed an offer letter (given to me by some company) and emailed it to the HR.

So today when I was happy that I am about to end this hell, my boss came to my cabin and almost hugged, here I say almost as it was almost and not more.

The reason was that he had given some work for me to complete. This work looked more like the ‘Da Vinci Code’ than anything else. I started working on it like HANK from THE MYSTERY ISLAND. I decoded and finally finished my work.

He thanked me as if I just saved the world or something.

Well I was happy today as I was on the verge of leaving. But his thank, and did I mention the chocolate that he gave me, put me in Dilema and decide if I should leave or stay?

Well should I really give this company a try?

Fun to destress

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re
really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'” 

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart
murmur; be careful.’ “

THE LOVE STORY OF RALPH & EDNA

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, 
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day, while
they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly
jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed 
there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and
pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered 
her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news, she
said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re
being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis 
by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have
concluded that your act displays soundness of mind. The bad news is,
Ralph hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right
after you saved him… I am so sorry,… but he’s dead.” 

Edna replied… “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?”